Voicemails From Your Definitely Not Horny Ex
Show more
Hide
When you check your voicemails, you find out that your ex has left a series of increasingly rambling, agitated and horny messages that go from emphasizing how totally over you she is to reminiscing about how she misses you (except she totally doesn't). She's so over you that she just can't get you out her mind, and...you know what? You're just going to have to see her again and take responsibility for getting her in this sort of state.
Published by lewdlexi
Video Transcription
You have four new messages.
To listen to the message, press one.
Message one.
Hey dickhead.
Yeah, it's me, your ex.
No, that's not right.
I'm not your ex.
You're my ex.
I dumped you.
Beat you to it.
Ha!
So, you're probably wondering
why I'm calling you now
when I'm so done with you.
It's about that hundred bucks I sent you
with the message for being a bad boyfriend.
See, that was meant to be me flexing on you.
I was making a statement charging you
for wasting my time and being such a shit boyfriend.
But I accidentally pressed send money
instead of request money.
So, if you could pay me back first chance you get,
that would be great.
I kinda needed to make rent this month.
Oh, and no gloating, okay?
Just be a mature adult for like the first time
in your damn life.
Right, see you later.
I mean, I hope I never see you again.
Ha!
Message two.
Hey again, jackass.
It's me.
Did you know I changed your name on my phone to that prick?
So, it'll say I've got a message from that prick
when you call.
Which you don't.
Which is good, because I don't ever think about you.
Probably disappoints you, doesn't it?
You always thought you were God's gift to women.
But you weren't anything that special.
It's barely been a week
and I'm already not thinking about you.
...
- 4,017
- 11:41